echoes of silence

Like green moss in bladder

2007-08-27T02:35:00.000-07:00

In this season of chingam...season of orange and yellow flowers from market in transparent light green plastic kits …I somehow managed to keep heart just in right pace. .around 90/120…now slowly started liking the graphs of correlation, standard deviation and regression … b’coz they have begun interpreting many things in life that I thought was not scalable…. classes of maths proved to be helpful…there was the smell of slightly decayed flowers due to rain all in air....it took me to the remembrance of last spell of karkedakam…a time of rain and curative medicine …

desire to be a doctor...Always wanting to do something in hospital—a very strong desire...We used to watch critical medical cases in BBC, Medical detectives in Discovery and discuss about it, In library used to gaze at pictures of dead-bodies and scenes of murder victims and she used to explain to me very passionately about skulls and big thick medical books of her sister who was a doctor…..

ALL these incidents was now like a illustration of something that I read in one of the books that influenced me a lot….it became now digestible for the neurons in my brain…a book that was read in absolute state of ‘No-Desire’..It quotes ‘man-desire=god’…strange indeed to realize on how your desires influence life…. I was explaining an account from this in my room “There was a snake in a village which was a great menace to the villagers …a sage passed its way and asked the snake to love every one….next time the sage saw the snake almost dead….the wise man replied-‘I only asked you to love people .not to express it..’” …I could see changes of expression in everyone’s face…because all were effected by it…...

Last month rain was poring down from sky like the leaking roof in our old quarters, and now every thing was back to square one … Minute thing of life brought in the biggest fears like Pareto principle of 80-20 rule…

As Onam arrived….. again floral patterns of desire started growing at high correlation with the time span of x-axis……ways of living in this remotes part of universe away from peppy, sexy bollywood movies ..Away from original classical melody of Chennai… with new songs from innermost chamber of heart just at right pace of 80/120….just in right season of life…

Making chutney in different ways …..

2007-07-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

After a tiresome journey in train. I wanted to allow my body to rest….it had just recovered from an existence hurt ….but just couldn’t wait to grab the new India today’s women’s edition...The editor acclaims it as an exclusive urban working woman magazine …. yummy mummy of India…….

Giving lot of statistical data…women performing the ‘balancing act’ between their personal life and professional life... going out for 12-15 days business tour, golphing, leisure, broken relationships, adjusting family system in our country...sacrifices… high determination and lot more ..But life has taken such a new twirl that it makes me think … why?? my thoughts started taking different course …there was some time when I used to dream like any other career being …to be in a business magazine ….to be spotted in the list of fortune makers……but now these articles make less of sense …coz the search continues for a surreal moment …a moment when a farmer’s wife is able to save him from suicide …when a boy in the neighborhood is not made to say ‘I pour the water form bottle over the floor b’coz I felt alone……’ a more fortified splits of seconds for a mother when she leave her sick child in a strangers crush…a more powerful instance of time replacing competition with coexistence far away from this rat-race …the hopes for such an incredible moment increased as the fingers which had by now became mechanized hitting the keypads turned pages …something like in the movie in tv that came in pogo strong father, elastic mother, high speed son and invisible daughter…’the incredible’….

In between these untold rustles of mind...Came the call for lunch…hot homemade biriyani...What else could be more satisfying now than this meal from a mother of four …… stomach shaking with all the biriyani stuffed in it in the good old dusty green bus...as it turned around ashok pillar …the memories took me some 6 years back when I came here with social studies maam for science congress……it traveled again some 4 years back to smell the fresh and green air of IIT, the boys hostel with out curtains where we stayed …and the India today special edition on 50 yrs of independence in my bag from which mainly the speech for competition was prepared ….now latest edition with 60 years was in my kit. Coincidence …..When we conducted Vishnu sahsranamam …..Never thought ill be here again for 500th recital on 07/07/07 …when taj mahal was selected 7 wonders of world again …it all looked as play of numbers...Play of figures ….play of different way of life….different ways of making chutney……

Sometimes it was the most complicated process in our room –making chutney…the taste/interest varied from colour, amount of water, whether to add mustard or coriander leaves , curry leaves, amount of ginger, if to put small onions raw or fried before putting it in mixi….tamrind ? Or not….red chilies or green chilies ...time when ingredients need to put... that too played a role in the taste…. Smooth or raw paste of coconut ….after the whole discussion and getting consensus, hot ghee dosas where ready and none could wait to start eating it with the chutney …which was a chutney of lot of ideas and opinions…emmmmm…it tasted well emmmm…and our stomach was full at the end…every one adjusted to a point we could….after a limit opinions simply nullified and it became consideration.. …there were moments when we where in tears and we consoled each other ….sometime couldn’t support a person even if had an idea of the happening...Sometimes nothing was told and everything understood…sometimes everything told but nobody understood anything….but in midst of the never fulfilling rat race ...in the plastic world that IT had created for us...we kept making good chutney every time for breakfast…. i traveled back with that beautiful taste, smell and music ….

Y am here...?

2007-06-27T02:56:00.001-07:00

To feel and experience infinity within this finite body
To live timelessness within this time span of life
To uncover bliss in misery……..

Women

2007-06-27T00:00:00.001-07:00

ashasea

Originally uploaded by napoji

Many times in our society they are so much conditioned that rest of their lives they vastly prefer not be heard. Little wonder they find themselves tongue tied and hog-tied…without any loud stubbornness ….they exist with subtle persistence….

2007.. Courtesy :napoji's photos http://www.flickr.com/photos/8001694@N05/

kamoshi ke shore..

2007-06-26T23:31:00.001-07:00

frozen tree
Originally uploaded by ashasea

काले बादल है घंगोर

चा रहा है सनाठा चारों और न है दिल पर कोई जोर

पर जंच रहा है कानो में एक शोर

क्या यहें है कमोशी की शोर ???

शितिज तो यह रहा पर मंजिल यह नहीं

जीवन के इस अद्बुत ताल में उलाज न जाऊँ हर हाल में ..

सोच रही दिल ही दिल में बुला दू सारे घाम इसी पल में

दुभ जाना है कमोशी की सागर में एहसास की एस अनोके चादर में

लेकिन बढ़ रहा यह समय के साथ

न ले रही रुकने की बात

पर जब केसी ने थमा यह हाथ थम गेई कमोशी की रात

मिला जो साथ का वादा

न सोच सकी में ज्यादा गा उटी जोर से मुक्त हूँ कमोशी की एस शोर से

.....2001

blue waves with white foams-lamhon ke lehar...

2007-06-26T22:33:00.001-07:00

एक ऐसा लाम्हा

जो कर दिया मुझे तनहा

पुरे हो सारे अरमान जैसा खुला यह आसमान

ऐसा ना कभी हवा की देखा सूरज में धुवा

चाव से बी उज्वाल सुन्दर यह तेरा दावल

एस बार था वह नरम

जो कर दिया ह्रदय में मर्म

अकन्शओहं की एस चवें में

बह ना जाऊं कभी में

ले रहे थी धीमहि सान्स्हें

पर जब बीघ गए होंट प्यासे

नयनों की एख पलक में

दिख गेई ज़िन्दगी एक जालक में

चंचल नाधीयो से बरा मान है तेरा गहरा

काँटों से भुना अगार कथन निर्मल उसका ना सुना

पल के महक में सोती जैसे तुम्हारे सीप की मोती

सागर के निर्बय लहर में जुज़र ना जाये ज़िन्दगी एस पहर में

धरा के लिए बरसते सारे

घर्ज रहें थे बदल प्यारी

जब बादल बन गए अश्रु तेरे

बूंद बूंद गिन रहे नाम तेरे

है जीवन के रखावले कर रहे यह लाम्हा तेरे हवाले

....2005

dark sky

2007-04-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

It looked like as if someone has painted the sky with black fabric paint …..
Suddenly at 4’0 clock in the evening it became dark and sun was masked …darkness , sorrow appears in a mask of joy and joy appears in a mask of sorrow. It seems paradoxical .But as I learned it’s the law of nature. The masses are led astray by its superficiality. In the confusion we discard happiness and court sorrow! ….doesn’t it sound like a history of every man…

2007

Chennai in december

2007-04-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

That was a Saturday evening .Tired … but the zeal never subside to know what gonna happen that day...we had our lunch very quickly and then reached on time at ‘Krishna Ghana Sabha ‘ near pangal park and as planned earlier we got a camera from our friend and reached the place on time. Its just amazing and thrilling to sit near great singer Aruna Sairam .she takes you to the beautiful green meadow where Krishna and Radha dance engulfed in unconditional love…this ride can be taken in just 100 rs ….as poor software engineers (poor here doesn’t means opposite of rich) we can manage it....it was indeed a blessing to be given a chance to listen to enchanting music during margazhi period (it falls in the month of dec)…those day provided me sweet memories of Chennai . Music was just not an entertainment but open voices of the singers, dwani of mrindangam, and the resonance of violin became close to heart. The architecture of Krishna Ghana Sabha was astonishing .It is a well made acoustic building.

We often used to say that its part of SDLC life cycle …during the initial years of work all used to go early to office ,work hard and takes back salary + all the office problem to room for discussions and analysis …..But as time passed by we could see slowly changes. People starting lazing around bathroom, on bed for long hours, with newspaper, controlling all those Malayalam channels that bring nostalgia …..These scenes could not be seen earlier….Camera just became the essential part of life by this time..... Experiments with instances of reality as I understand begins here …..putting kolam became a passion for all in few days ; as Comments poured in ….we managed to get new designs……my bag always contained these designs along with the credit card bank statements, telephone bill , an Indian flag , a coin from tirupathi ,customer report generated for the client …life revolved around these material things….

Early morning bajans which was mainly Astapthi were simply ecstatic. Hot ghee masala dosa was also driving force ….everytime we come out of krishna Ghana sabha new ideas pops in mind …thanx for her for introducing us to music …apang, Hindustani music, carnatic...She must have attended around 100 shows …as she explains we explored!!!! ..As the cultural Chennai unfolded we discovered the lost heritages of our intrinsic selves...

2006

ultimate truth

2007-04-22T03:18:00.000-07:00

As i open my eyes early morning and look through the window....these flowers teach me all the good lessons of life.

They always face to east ....looking to the sun...the ulimate reality of their life..how Ignorant we are .